I didn’t jump into self-employment the “recommended” way. You know, the save enough money to live on and have a plan way. I just kind of took the leap and luckily, I’ve landed on my feet with a successful business and a blog. And while I’d only recommend that for those that have enough confidence in themselves to take the blind leap without falling apart when life doesn’t work out the way you hoped it would, I know it’s not that easy. No snap of your fingers or click of your heels will just transport you to that magical place where you can make that bold, brave move.
I’ve struggled with self-esteem issues since I can remember knowing what a self-esteem was. I wasn’t a part of the cool kids crowd in school. I didn’t have a support system (at home or outside of the home) that encouraged me to nurture my interests in art or writing. I was consistently in a state of confusion about who I was, what I wanted to be, and what I was meant to do. (There are still some days that this would be an accurate description of me, too.)
But eventually, all of this led to this pivotal moment in my life. It was the best thing that could ever happen to me, honestly. I was cheated on by the man I was convinced was “the one” with someone I would have considered a friend back then. The next few weeks and months that followed were hell, but I emerged from the turmoil a brand new version of myself. A stronger, bolder, more confident version of myself.
After the tears and heartache subsided, something constantly tugged at my heart. A question that I couldn’t answer right away. That question was: what exactly did I lose? It surely wasn’t a person worthy of my time. And it definitely wasn’t my “one true love.” What I lost actually had nothing to do with him because in the end, the answer was that I lost myself. I spent four years trying to be someone I wasn’t for a relationship that was not at all meant for me. In the end, all I had to show for it was a dim, almost nonexistent version of a light that (many, many years ago) had once been as bright as the sun.
That beautiful, heart-wrenching moment was the day that I decided to be unapologetically me. I decided that if I was going to get hurt, I was going to get hurt being who I was. And that if I was going to throw all of myself into something, it was going to be everything I had that defined me. And if I was going to spent that much time on anything in my life (a career, a blog, a relationship, a home – doesn’t matter) – it was going to be me spending all that time, not some lesser version of myself.
I don’t believe you need to feel the kind of loss that I felt to succeed. It may have moved me in the direction I needed to go a little quicker, but was it absolutely necessary? I doubt it. But you do have to want it. You have to want that belief in yourself more than anything else in your life. You have to need it. Scratch that, you need to CRAVE it. Almost like it’s necessary to live. Because for me, it was. That belief was absolutely 110% necessary for me to move forward.
So what’s standing in your way?
- Is it a lack of knowledge? Ask someone who’s done it or research the heck out of what you need to make the move. The information is out there if you want to find it.
- Is it a lack of support system? If you believe in yourself, those who are worthy of your time will follow suit – I promise. And those who don’t, are not the people that you need to be surrounding yourself with.
- Is it an uncertainty of what you want? Try something – ANYTHING. It doesn’t matter if it’s your life’s ultimate destiny, you just need to get your feet wet. Even if you learn you absolutely do not want to do that the rest of your life, then you still learned something about yourself.
- Is it a lack of time? Then your priorities aren’t where they need to be. If you want that belief in yourself more than anything, that should be the top thing on your to do list every single day.
I already have an answer for any excuse in the book because I’ve tried them all. Every single excuse, I’ve used it. And let myself believe it was a legitimate problem when it came to chasing my confidence. I clung to them until I had to let go and suddenly, I realized I was the only thing standing in my way. That realization was not going to be what I was remembered for so I changed the ending. And here I am, years later. I have created a business that supports my husband and I on a full-time income while I blog on the side.
I still struggle some days because I’m what some would call “over-emotional,” but it never stands in the way of being confident enough to rock self-employment. I will always be a work in progress, but I’ve lifted myself high enough that I’m no longer my own roadblock.
So figure out what’s standing in the way of your building your confidence and break it down. Tear it apart and shred it to a million little pieces that can never be put back together again. Lift yourself high enough to be taller than any other roadblock you could put in your way just like I did and you’ll find that confidence isn’t as hard to come by as you think it is.