I know, I know, it’s a totally millennial thing to have a word of the year and sometimes I don’t always buy into this idea that I need a “word of the year.” After having a word in 2016 and two words in 2017, I didn’t even try in 2018. I was at a weird point in life and didn’t want a singular word to define my year.
It was probably in September when I realized I had a word – settled. The idea was that 2019 would be a year I settled into life in a way that worked for me. A consistent job, travel, maybe even an actual relationship.
At some point, and I don’t think this was a decision that happened in one moment. I just fell out of love with the word. It feels passive, doesn’t inspire me. I needed something that had more.
Then about two weeks ago, it hit me – a phrase. For 2019, my phrase of the year is “in spite of.”
I know, that sounds negative, but when I thought of it, I thought about of all the ways I get in front of myself and stop myself because of fears. I didn’t want to be fearless. I will never be fearless. I’m afraid of everything to a level of stupid paranoia.
But there are so many things I want to do in 2019 that I never anticipated before. And maybe 2018 was the beginning of this with dating, but I want 2019 to be this even more.
- I want to lose that additional weight, in spite of the fact that I’ve been stuck in the 30 pounds lost range for over a year.
- I want to be in a relationship, fall in love, in spite of the fact that I’ve been single for eight years almost and the idea of a relationship kind of scares the daylights out of me.
- I want to publish those books, maybe even all five of them, in spite of the fact that it’s been two and a half years and I wonder if I’m really all that great of a writer.
- I want to say yes to going out with friends more, and yes to getting over myself and inviting people more, in spite of the fact that I’d probably rather be at home with some wine and a book.
2019 will be the year I get these things done, get my goals done, in spite of myself. I’m going to get out of my own way, stop being afraid of what may happen, and embrace the things that will happen.
While “in spite of” may feel like a negative saying, I want it to be a reminder that I can do these things and have a wonderful year – even if I’m in my own way.