February 14th, the day of love. Or, if you’ve been single for a long time, it’s Wednesday. I’m part of the later, and the older I get, the more muddied my feelings are about Valentine’s Day, and I bet a lot of other singles feel the same way.
I’d like to also start out with a disclaimer – the last time I had an actual Valentine was, like, fifth grade, I think.
Valentine’s Day is an odd one for me. Having been single for so long, my first reaction is to be a little grumpy. Does everyone really need to rub it in that they have someone?
But, then I think how nice that must actually be. To have someone.
I’ll admit, my attempts at online dating have been half-hearted and when I do actually try, I apparently attract all the idiots. So, for those of you who have found the good ones, you go girl.
My social anxiety is pretty ridiculous, the idea of going out to meet new people just makes me super uneasy. With a friend or two, it’s easier, but even then, they typically do all the talking. I haven’t really been out since I started my job (until last week, I was working the super early shift so I couldn’t go out late). Sometimes I wonder if my job would actually make me better at socializing with people I don’t know.
When it’s been so long since you’ve been on a date, since someone’s shown actual interest in knowing you as a person, I’ll admit, sometimes it can mess with your confidence. Not that my confidence rides on whether or not I’m in relationship, because if it did, I’d be in serious trouble.
But let’s not joke, we all want to be attractive to someone. That feels good.
Either way, for me, I suppose it doesn’t matter too much. Valentine’s Day is just another Wednesday, just another day I have off from work. Just like every Wednesday, I’ll wake up, go to the gym, come home and work on content. I may take myself out on a date and go see a movie, but it would be something like I, Tonya, nothing with romance.
Either way, I always feel more awkward on days where you celebrate love. So, I’m ready for tomorrow, but I hope those who do have something to celebrate make today special.